party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
