Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
