I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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