So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
