Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
