Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
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don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
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Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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