there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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