I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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