Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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