I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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