U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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