I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
