i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
