glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
