So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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