there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
