Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
