This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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