wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
