I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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