"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
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I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
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Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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