careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Holy shit dude........stairs
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
