i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
