did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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