We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
