ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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