I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
