did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
