Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
