'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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