He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
organizing the empties. That sober.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
