maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
