Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
