the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
