Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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