I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
