No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
