I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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