My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
