If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My vagina just clenched in fear
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
