I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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