M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
