cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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