capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
