Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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