did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
