I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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