Its about making memories worth repressing
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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