Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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