I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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