I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
