party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
