wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
