We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
it's like iHOP with fire
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
