i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
