She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
