even my farts smell like vagina
well you can't waste a boner
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
