he thought i was a dude.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
