I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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