Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
