guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
