What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
