Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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