Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
