that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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