mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
