I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
