Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
