The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
