5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
