So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
How naked do you want me to be?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
