it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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