Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
